Ok so we are constantly bombarded with the “How To” lists. Here’s a bit of a tongue-in-cheek look at some of the ways we sabotage our self-love.

1     Listen to your inner critic

When you hear that voice telling you what a loser you are, how it’s no wonder you can’t sustain a relationship with your orange peel thighs and that you’ll never succeed, believe it.  Surely your thoughts must be the truth.  Right?  Especially when they’re so repetitive, relentless and clear.  If you didn’t have a reality check and listen to this wisdom you could really go off the rails.  How’s that working out for you?

2     Feed your fears

Lie awake at night, stressing and giving yourself panic attacks about worse case scenarios.  Visualise yourself unable to pay your bills and destitute, unloved and ignored.  Why prolong the inevitable?

Imagine yourself as a social outcast who’s also an international subject of ridicule “Who the hell does she think she is!  She’ll never pull that off.” Does that seem like a good idea?

3     Ignore the voice of your heart

Who can trust their feelings anyway?  They can change from one moment to the next.  So fickle and unreliable.  Stick to logic and the facts.  Why give yourself permission to feel a wide spectrum of emotions and tap into your needs?  Then you may have to acknowledge that you’re human.   Keep it simple, impersonate a robot, lock a lid on those crazy, irrational emotions and let your inner control freak run the show.  Block out those feelings with any addictive behavioural pattern. Too much drinking, smoking, sex, shopping, eating – take your pick.  Then go into total shock when you develop an ulcer and shake your head in denial.  After all, you’re very health conscious.  How could this have happened?

4 Beat yourself up

When you fail to complete the 197 tasks that you’ve written on your ‘To Do’ list for Tuesday afternoon between 2-4pm, punish yourself.  Mutter repeatedly how lazy and stupid you are and how you need to seriously lift your game.  Set the alarm clock for half an hour earlier.  Sitting glued to your laptop from 7am – 9pm is obviously just not good enough.  Maybe once you’ve developed adrenal exhaustion, adult acne and are depressed, you’ll have a breakthrough and see the error of your ways.  Compare yourself to models in glossy magazines and berate yourself for having laughter lines.

5     Treat your body like an inanimate object

Skip breakfast, gulp down a strong coffee, drive to work and then nibble on a muesli bar and some chocolate. Wonder why you feel so tired in the afternoons as you knock back a fizzy soda.  Heat up a ready meal (but it said organic?) in the microwave for dinner, washed down with a few wines.  Under no circumstances should you drink water or herbal teas.  Stay away from ‘rabbit’ food and ignore all that ‘whole foods’ hippydippy propaganda. It’s all a conspiracy.  Admittedly, you are feeling pretty run down though so may be time to go for a spray tan and get your nails done.  Always makes you feel better, right?

6     Take no responsibility for your finances

A bit of retail therapy never hurt anyone. If it’s on the plastic, it’s easier to ignore.  Repress all those uncomfortable and inconvenient feelings and instead buy new shoes and splurge on a whole new wardrobe.  Maybe you just need to borrow some cash, extend your overdraft, book another overseas trip and ‘get away from it all’?  Denial is highly underrated.  Oh but, wherever you go, there you are. Bummer. We’re here for a good time, not a long time.

7     Project your needs onto everyone else

Once you meet the love of your life, it will be all be sorted.  He will be extremely successful and wealthy.  He can pay off your debts while you potter around with your ‘creative interests’.  Blame your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues and next door neighbours for everything going wrong in your life.   Maybe if you could pop out a cherubic infant or two and start a home-based business, that would solve everything? This will become an overnight success and you’ll become a media darling, in constant demand on chat shows.  Customers will be hammering down your door and finally you will be famous and have all the external validation you’ve been seeking, to fill in the cracks of your rocky self-esteem.  Your sex life will be a shining example of tantric ecstasy as you and your Love God live happily ever after in co-dependent bliss.

Do any of these sound familiar?

What’s your most common way of NOT loving yourself? Tell me in the comments box below by 30th December and one person will win a bottle of Self-love Alchemical oil.

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