As part of the process of grounding the energy of the Fatherlove Alchemical oil, I went to Uluru in September 2011, the spiritual heart of Australia. It was a profound experience.
I decided to share insights into the sorts of things I experience during the Alchemical oil creation process and give more information about the purpose of Fatherlove. On the path of self-love it is crucial to come to terms with our relationships with our parents – and seeing how our perception is impacting ALL relationships in both healthy/unhealthy ways. Fatherlove Alchemical oil is a tool that assists this self-enquiry.
When I intuitively received the creation date of Fatherlove, I kept getting a persistent nudge to go to Uluru at the same time.
I sensed my visit symbolising the end of old patterns of the way I’d always perceived men and the types of behaviours inherent in the men I attracted into my life. I was also working in a very patriarchal, conservative ‘old boys club’ environment that displayed outdated male behaviour patterns and I was really yearning for a big change. My position was suddenly made ‘redundant’. I felt it was a positive development that my time there had come to an end, mirroring the end of much of these outdated patterns of relating to men.
I hesitated about booking tickets to go to Uluru when I wasn’t sure where income coming from. Surely a little irresponsible?
“Just trust. Book the tickets” were the words I kept hearing. So I took a deep breath and I did. Less than an hour later I received a phone call ‘out of the blue’ offering me a 2 month contract of work that finished the week before my trip. It was a great environment and a 30% pay increase. I was speechless (a rare occurrence). A colleague also arranged a very cheap accommodation rate for me in the 5 star hotel. It seemed that so much support was available to me, the moment I had listened to ‘just trust’.
Each time I envisaged myself there all I saw were snakes! A little unnerved, I fervently hoped this was metaphorical, maybe connected to kundalini energy or the Rainbow Serpent energy, in connection with the Aboriginal Dreamtime.
A couple of nights before the trip I was having dinner when I became aware of a presence in the room. I could see a male spirit in the corner, who seemed so familiar to me. “Who are you?” I asked. “You” was the response. “What?”. We then had a clear dialogue for a few minutes, in which he explained he was one of my masculine aspects that had split off 7 years previously and had been trying to integrate ever since, trying to get my attention with the men who were showing up in my life.
I seemed to have a pattern of attracting men who were emotionally unavailable, depressed and mentally unstable with addictive and obsessive behavioural patterns (appealing hey? ;-).
Despite initially presenting differently, these tendencies would show themselves after a relatively short time. For a long time I had been asking myself what more I could do to resolve any of these aspects within me that were attracting these situations. After this vivid, bizarre experience, I then went into a deep meditation to call back into balance, any fragments of me that were still needing to have these experiences. I then fell into a very deep sleep.
On the flight I slipped into a deep meditative space and could see an Aboriginal teenage boy who said he would be guiding me while I was there. I was rather taken aback at how clear and vivid he was, with the typical teenage ‘attitude’, but he was very present throughout my days there.
Fatherlove Alchemical oil has three aspects.
It’s a letting go of experiences, outdated patterns and behaviours in relation to how we perceive our Father, Father figures, past relationships, our inner masculine, men in general and choosing to embody the qualities we may be seeking in men. Each day at Uluru was about setting the intention to really honour each of these parts.
How do you perceive your Dad, step-Dad, grandfather, brothers, uncles and sons? Jot down 3 qualities that you like about your Dad and 3 qualities that you are are not so fond of. Are you able to own these qualities within yourself? If you contemplate the qualities that ‘society’ projects onto the role of a father, it’s little wonder that that our fathers can seem lacking. Affirmation for this oil: I accept the gifts and challenges of my Fatherline .
Day 1 – intention (and first aspect of Fatherlove) I arrived at Uluru and dedicated my morning walk to acknowledging the role of my father in my life and releasing any limiting filters that were distorting my perception of men in general, due to judgements I’d formed about him. I was led by my guide to start by following the ‘Mala walk’ on the left hand side of the base and then continue around from there. I felt as though I was releasing a lot of energy through my feet. My guide informed me ‘we’ve got a surprise for you’... Of course, I was wondering all day what this surprise may entail. During the walk I was very drawn to some rocks and just ‘randomly’ took some photos, loving the dramatic contrast of colours with spring flowers, blue sky and red ore. When I got back to my hotel and downloaded the photos, this one in particular jumped out at me 😉
A visit from the Rainbow Serpent ?
I showed this photo to Valerie Barrow who felt it was an initiation for me into the Rainbow Serpent energy. Not sure what this fully entails but I have had a regular experience ever since of seeing rainbow lights coming into my Being whenever I meditate.
Day 2 – second aspect of Fatherlove was about honouring all significant men from past (and present) relationships and the gift from each soul. I know that they are a reflection of the state of my inner masculine energy – at that time. Eg, if all I can see are men who seem weak and unreliable, then maybe I need to examine in which area of life I’m not supporting myself. It’s always about us. My walk on this second day was about reflecting and thanking each individual soul.
Depending on the patterns formed with your Dad, this can really impact on your relationship choices. One possibility when this is out of a balance, is that you naturally gravitate towards men who are either older/emotionally mature/more established for that masculine support. This can create a parent/child scenario, rather than two adults equally balanced in their masculine/feminine energies. Do you feel that your partner behaves more like you wished your father had been, ‘looking after you’ and being financially responsible? Is he the ‘caretaker’? Are you still waiting for that ‘knight in shining armour’?. If so, ask yourself if it’s because you didn’t receive this from your Dad. If you find you usually play this role for women/men in your life – ask yourself why you feel the need ‘to be needed’ in this way. By doing so, you are enabling the other person (the child) to remain in a position of disempowerment, reliant on you…..it’s more common that we realise.
It’s part of a healthy relationship to support each other in various ways. However, do you feel it’s equally balanced with regards to giving/receiving?
If you’re not currently in a relationship, are you able to look back and see any patterns? We create beliefs and behaviours through our filters of a child’s perception, and so even if we can understand why our situation may have unfolded in a certain way – it doesn’t mean it’s empowering for us as an adult. Do you seek validation from men? Be honest with yourself. You could be so used to that ‘absent’ quality that you only seem to be attracted to men who are unavailable in some way – either through geography, commitment phobia, workaholics, other diversions deemed more important than you, or just the simple fact they are emotionally disconnected – and thus emotionally unavailable. Attraction to those with these patterns usually denotes a deep fear of intimacy, even if consciously this is what we are craving. What would it mean if someone was totally available to you on every level? Remember it’s patterns that we’re unconsciously attracted to, not necessarily the individual. We’ve all had those ‘not this again’ moments that surface once we become more involved. An example is when someone has had an alcoholic Father and then goes on to be attracted to alcoholic partners.
Do you recognise any repetitive patterns in your family?
Acknowledge them with gratitude for the lessons, and intend to let them go. This can only occur when you take full ownership of these tendencies. By this I mean acknowledging that you’re familiar with that pattern and so may be drawn to others with the same behaviour, even if they present themselves differently and these habits are not apparent until later…you may need to examine how you are accommodating this on some level if it’s still showing up. Reflect on your past relationships and see the gifts that you received, especially the ones presented in the most painful way. Take some time to send gratitude to the soul of each of those men who have been a teacher in some way. They all have….and there are some lessons we seem to be in need of repeating over and over.. (or is that just me?) 😉
I had an insightful morning with this exercise, whilst walking and found myself remembering lots of significant moments of happiness that I had forgotten. It’s interesting how we often only focus on the reasons for a relationship coming to an end and any hurt we experienced, rather than the joy we shared. It was a good reminder for me as I walked around Uluru, marvelling at the amazing contrast of colours, textures and everchanging nature.
Day 3 and third aspect of Fatherlove Alchemical oil – this was about choosing to activate and integrate new, empowered ways of being with the Divine masculine energy. I made a conscious choice to move into a more centred space to create clearer, empowered choices about what I prefer to radiate out and then start to experience with men.
It’s amazing how once we let go of certain patterns, people displaying them do not present themselves in the same way, or not to the same degree.
You may be able to observe a pattern, without becoming embroiled in it. Often connections can just naturally fall away without words needing to be expressed. It’s wonderful to observe (and always make me laugh) how when you have a big internal shift around something – other people’s behaviour suddenly seems different – because we’ve changed…. How do you choose to engage with men? Are you ready to embody the qualities you are seeking?
I hope that has given you a little insight into the sorts of guided experiences that can occur when we surrender to accepting and integrating these parts of ourselves. Would love to hear any feedback about experiences with Rainbow Serpent energy or with Fatherlove 😉