If you’ve never felt frustrated or held judgements towards your Mum then no need to read any further.
Unless you’re a saint then I can’t imagine many people who could admit to never having experienced a problem in this primary, sacred relationship.
On the path of self-love where we take responsibility for every part of our Being, there is no avoiding examining the relationship that we have with our parents.
The relationship with your Mother is the first human contact you experience. This divine Being gives birth to you and literally brings you to life. For those months in your Mother’s womb you received everything available to you from her life-force. Regardless of beliefs we may hold, we’re inextricably linked and cannot escape this connection – through circumstance, geography or even death. Our filters of how we see the world are so heavily influenced through this connection. So why do we often try to run away from our own genes and DNA?
Do you blame your Mum for what you feel she didn’t give you and how is this impacting you today? It will be reflected in the way you perceive yourself as a woman (or man) and interact with everyone. As children, we interpret certain behaviours of our parents and form beliefs. We are often still reacting to these perceptions like a child, which is unhelpful (and very limiting) as an adult. Realise that the filter through which you perceive your parents is affecting EVERY relationship that you have….ponder that one.
As a society we impose many conditions onto the roles of Mother and Father. If you list the ‘ideal’ characteristics of a Mother, you end up with a job description for Mother Teresa. Who can possibly live up to that? We are all fallible humans, trying to do the best we can with the self-awareness that we have at any given point in time.
Regardless of what your story is (and we’ve all got one), consider a judgement of your Mother’s behaviour that is not complimentary. Contemplate where this quality is equally true in you. This IS a part of you. Could you accept it as a part of a bigger picture?
When you resist a tendency you don’t like – this is also a part of your own energy that you’re rejecting. For example, “she’s so needy“. Where are you demanding? Can you think of anyone who may perceive you in that light? “She’s a manipulative liar” – where in your life are you not being honest with yourself? “She’s never been there for me” – so consider where you continue to ignore certain needs and seek external validation. “She always lets me down” – ask yourself where you are not honouring yourself or following through for other people. The answers are all inside you.
Consider that this personality trait or tendency that you see only exists through your perception – based on your relationship to her. You could view this entirely differently once you’ve owned this energy within you.
I invite you to get to know yourself more deeply. When you resist the parts you don’t like and close off to these aspects, know that you are also preventing yourself from receiving the gifts. Often we are so focussed on what we wish someone would change, that we deny beautiful qualities that we could be enjoying – if we could just extend more acceptance and compassion. This also then also applies to ourselves. In this way, we limit our ability to receive. When we refuse to receive our Mother, we are also refusing to receive life and love and it can feel as though we are ‘not in the flow’.
Consider the qualities that you admire about your Mum….and know you have these wonderful qualities too. In order to experience life fully, we have to take the rough with the smooth.
What’s the current state of your relationship with your Mum? If you feel it’s ‘flawed’ – do an audit of the role women in your life play for you. How do you perceive them? You will keep unconsciously seeking what you feel you didn’t receive from your Mum through the women in your life. You may also judge women harshly who play out certain scenarios based on how you see/saw this as ‘wrong’ in your Mum.
We all have a mixture of masculine and feminine energy within us. The left side of our body is associated with the feminine, receptive energy. Look at any recurring physical problems that you may have on the left-hand side of your body and which chakras/meridians this connects to, to give you further insight into blocks you may be storing.
For example, if you have problems in your sacral area, this could play out in your reproductive and sexual organs and also in the form of creative blocks. I used to notice a common block to receptivity in women years ago during Intuitive Massage sessions. The left hip, left buttock and lower back (anxiety and fear stored in the kidneys) was a storehouse for blocks to receptivity, intimacy and fears, with much stagnant energy there. This is one of the reasons that stretching, lunging, squats and yoga can be so helpful with releasing blocked energy around the hips.
Another area that I also used to notice was in the left shoulder blade, where there was much ‘guarding’ of the back of the heart chakra. So often we want to receive more love and be open and vulnerable. Yet unconsciously, we may be closed to this possibility, to protect ourselves from being hurt and keeping ourselves separate from what we most desire.
If you can relate to any of the following scenarios, then you would benefit from bringing more acceptance into your relationship with your Mother. Do any of these sound like you?
Challenged with my Mum and/or female relatives;
Working with behaviours inherent on Mother’s side of the family;
Preparing to become a Mother;
Determined not to repeat ‘mistakes’ my Mum made;
Struggling to accept aspects of my own femininity;
Balancing my feminine/masculine energies. Strengthening my feminine gifts;
Trying to love and accept all parts of me as a woman/man;
I’m in a relationship and/or attract relationships with a parent/child dynamic;
Resentful that I regularly feel frustrated in my interactions with women;
Resistant to having children, but don’t know why;
Difficult in conceiving;
Unconsciously seeking nurturing and validation from women I connect with, that I don’t feel I receive/ed from my Mum.
(This can also be very common with men (or women) who go from one woman to the next, whose attention seeking behaviour is masking deep insecurity. They are avoiding true intimacy because they’re terrified of being rejected, because they don’t perceive their Mother loved them enough. Their unconscious fear is that they are unlovable).
When you resolve and balance this relationship (within you), it will change how you view yourself and how you relate to women. Certain patterns will lift and release, leaving you clearer and more empowered.
You can connect with your Mother on a soul level, if you are not able to resolve physically. You could write her a letter and express absolutely everything that you need to say, no holds barred. Then you can burn it in a sacred ritutal and transform the energy. Full moons are great for this type of letting go.
Remember it’s not about what she is or isn’t doing – you have no control over her behaviour. It’s about how you are reacting and responding to your thoughts and beliefs about her behaviour. It’s about how you can assist yourself in feeling more empowered. Bring the focus back to you. Notice any resistance or need to go into ‘the story’ that arises as you read this. Eg “no but she did xyz“. You’re the one holding on – this is affecting you.
Be honest with yourself about your feelings and give yourself permission to feel them fully. Allow yourself to come into a space of compassion and acceptance. Acceptance does not mean agreement with whatever occurred. It just means that you have chosen to continue resisting the reality of a situation and storing emotions in your body. Create space for something new.
I went through a huge perception shift myself over a few years that resulted in the creation of “Motherlove” Alchemical oil. It also completely transformed how I perceived many of my female friendships and brought many changes. Although this was very difficult and sometimes confusing, I can now see how it makes sense. My life is full of amazing women who inspire me every day.
In 2013 I co-facilitated “A morning of Motherlove” with Frank Boffa of “Choose to Be Your Greater Self”. We then created a package of 2 meditation/activation audios that you can buy to listen to in the comfort of your own home here.
There’s also a special 2pack offer with Motherlove Alchemical oil. You may like to gift a bottle of this to your Mother or your sister, with the intention of sending love and healing to your genetic line.
What you can let go of right now about your Mother to open up to receive more love?
Call upon the Mother Archetype within you and give yourself the love you yearn for. Only you can give yourself what you are truly seeking. This will then be reflected back to you from the universe.